So, I'm trying to start this thing again. I'll be honest with you though, I'm not about to sit here and write a "This is why I haven't been posting for the past few months" post. Suffice it to say I'm back and I'm going to try to do this more regularly (I know, you've heard that before, but seriously).
I find that I'm needing to get my thoughts out in the open sometimes. Russia is a strange and bizarre land of wonders and paradoxes. While Cristy and I regularly laugh (and cry) about the stresses of living in this place, I still so badly sometimes want to convey to others just what it's like to live here when you're not from here. In addition, I'm faced with the reality every day of just how little I know about being a father and husband. When you tie all of that into simply living and working day to day, life is never dull. I've forever got something on my mind that I want to get out. So I figure here is just as good a place as any to do it.
So where to begin? I think the thing I'm struggling with the most right now is burnout. The word "burnout" is hard to define exactly. In technical terminology it's when something mechanical "burns out," hence the aptly used word "burnout." But when you use it in a human context it can have a number of nuances and meaning. Suffice it to say that lately I've been sitting down at night, taking a deep breathe and letting out a long sigh while pursing my lips. The result is a long "pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbpth," which Isaiah usually imitates with delight.
I can't fully explain all of the reasons. Some are obvious. We've been back at language learning for about 5 months now, and I never leave a lessons without my brain feeling like pudding. On top of that we've made a conscious effort to inundate ourselves with about as much native Russian speaking as we possibly can. This has meant adding a lot of things to our schedule such as going to more Bible studies, having over more Russian friends, spending more time in Russian conversations outside of our lessons. There are also environmental issues. Right now it's dark until almost 10AM and then it starts getting dark about 3:45PM. The in between time is usually dark and gray with heavy overcast skies that rarely break for the sunlight. So there's simply lot of darkness interrupted by a dull haze. As a result it seems that I constantly stay tired no matter how much sleep I seem to get.
But on top of these obvious things there are simply oppressive spiritual issues. While America is far from perfect in any way, I appreciate more and more as time goes on just how much "common" grace has influenced our country. Russia can be a very harsh environment to live in. As I've told others, Russians can seemingly be some of the kindest, most loving, gentle and caring people in the world, and the most harsh, cruel, and deceitful. We've seen both extremes here. But on a day to day basis public life can be as cold as the weather. I realize I'm delving into a subject here that is way too deep to discuss right now, but perhaps over the next few posts I can spell out more of what I'm getting at. Let me just give one example.
Corruption: It's an extremely bad problem here in Russia. It's estimated by some that around half of all commerce done in this country is connected to bribes or illegal activity. Police officers constantly stop people for petty traffic violations (even imagined ones) and collect bribes from people right on the spot. They do this openly and in public. No one stops them. Other things like drinking and smoking laws are not enforced. The official Russian law states that children under the ages of 18 cannot buy or use alcohol or cigarettes. On the whole, stores seem fairly consistent with not selling the substances to minors, but children regularly obtain them with the help of older friends and drink and smoke openly on the streets. Police officers do nothing.
It goes deeper. Students bribe teachers for good grades in the Universities. Businesses bribe fire and health inspectors for good reports. Fire inspectors extort business owners threatening to give them bad reports unless they pay up. Big businesses take over smaller businesses, paying off police officers and judges in order to bring up charges on some poor chap and have in thrown in jail. The list goes on and on and on. The result is a society inundated with absolute distrust for any other person, distain for "law enforcement" personnel and a sense of pessimism that runs deep. Case and point, I heard a Russian joke today that said "In Russia a pessimist is someone who says 'Things can't get any worse.' and an optimist is one who says 'Of course they can!'" Life here in general is "heavy" as Russians say. People will yell and scream at each other in public, knock each other down constantly to be the first in line at the metro or refuse to intervene is someone's being beaten or hurt.
I don't know where I'm going with all of this except to say that these things have started to weigh on me. I must confess sometimes that I've had violent thoughts like grabbing a young punk by the throat who is verbally harassing a young lady and punching him repeatedly in the face. The thing is I don't think I've ever had those kinds of thoughts before I moved here. I've thankfully never been a violent-tempered person by the grace of God and by God's grace I don't want to become one.
I think what I'm trying to get at is simply that I'm feeling "dragged down" by life here lately. I don't like having violent thoughts of punching people in the face. That's not why I'm here. I don't like it when I find myself naturally pushing and shoving when the subway doors open. I don't like it when I stand stoically on the train afraid to smile because "people don't smile in public here." While there are certain things in Russian culture that are wonderful that I want to learn and adopt, there are plenty of things that I want to avoid. Unfortunately, the things I want to avoid seem to be the easiest to learn.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
A Salty Post
Studying: Still Reading in the Psalms
Thoughts: Good
I came to the realization the other day that I'm getting old. Now before you laugh, let me explain. Yes, I know I'm only 31 and by all accounts still fall under the "spring chicken" category, but I think I'm in the late May stages of my "spring" days. It struck me on my birthday just how fast the last ten years passed by. I'm starting to say things like "I haven't seen that person in 15 years" now. I get on Facebook and look at pictures of old high school and college classmates and they are almost all in the beginning stages of baldness with either developed or developing spare tires around the midsection, and the guys aren't looking too good either.
To top it all off last week I took my blood pressure just out of curiosity. To my surprise it was 140 over 85, which is called "prehypertension" in medical terms. I took it several times over several days, and it still was registering in the high 130's and mid 80's. In other words, too high. In some ways I wasn't surprised though since the main staple of most people's diets here in Russia is salt. It doesn't help either that salt is one of my favorite seasonings too. So the first thing I did was consult Dr. Google. I visited all of the reputable websites like webMD, and read up on what I was supposed to do. The advice was fairly straightforward, limit salt and caffeine and get plenty of potassium and exercise. The exercise part hasn't been a huge problem since coming here since we tend to walk quite a bit. I figure on average I get about 2 miles a day if not more. But my problem has been the salt and caffeine. I had been drinking about 3 cups of coffee a day, sometimes 4 and I usually topped that off with a glass of two of Diet Coke. On top of that for some time now I have had the very bad habit of adding salt to almost everything I eat. So when I saw the blood pressure numbers I knew some changes had to be made. I did the math. The recommended amount of sodium one should get each day is about 2500mg. I was probably getting more than twice that.
So I started immediately. I limited myself to about one-and-a-half cups of coffee per day and completely cut out any other caffeinated drinks. I started eating foods low in salt and quit adding salt all together to anything. Then I started eating more fruit. So I took my blood pressure last night and to my surprise it was 122 over 75. Now, I don't know if things are supposed to drop that fast, but I took it four times, even in the other arm to make sure. Sure enough, my blood pressure was back to basically "normal" levels.
It's things like this though that make me think about how short life is. I look at myself in the mirror and see that the rug is thinning on top, the back aches more and my eyesight is not getting any better. While I can "take care of myself" and do all I can to maintain my health, I cannot escape the fact that I'm a machine that is constantly in a state of breaking and wearing down. Don't worry, I'm not depressing over this, but I'm being practical and trying to look at from a Biblical perspective, asking the question "What can I do with the days that I have left?" My hope is to better serve Christ and do the work that he has called me to do.
Thoughts: Good
I came to the realization the other day that I'm getting old. Now before you laugh, let me explain. Yes, I know I'm only 31 and by all accounts still fall under the "spring chicken" category, but I think I'm in the late May stages of my "spring" days. It struck me on my birthday just how fast the last ten years passed by. I'm starting to say things like "I haven't seen that person in 15 years" now. I get on Facebook and look at pictures of old high school and college classmates and they are almost all in the beginning stages of baldness with either developed or developing spare tires around the midsection, and the guys aren't looking too good either.
To top it all off last week I took my blood pressure just out of curiosity. To my surprise it was 140 over 85, which is called "prehypertension" in medical terms. I took it several times over several days, and it still was registering in the high 130's and mid 80's. In other words, too high. In some ways I wasn't surprised though since the main staple of most people's diets here in Russia is salt. It doesn't help either that salt is one of my favorite seasonings too. So the first thing I did was consult Dr. Google. I visited all of the reputable websites like webMD, and read up on what I was supposed to do. The advice was fairly straightforward, limit salt and caffeine and get plenty of potassium and exercise. The exercise part hasn't been a huge problem since coming here since we tend to walk quite a bit. I figure on average I get about 2 miles a day if not more. But my problem has been the salt and caffeine. I had been drinking about 3 cups of coffee a day, sometimes 4 and I usually topped that off with a glass of two of Diet Coke. On top of that for some time now I have had the very bad habit of adding salt to almost everything I eat. So when I saw the blood pressure numbers I knew some changes had to be made. I did the math. The recommended amount of sodium one should get each day is about 2500mg. I was probably getting more than twice that.
So I started immediately. I limited myself to about one-and-a-half cups of coffee per day and completely cut out any other caffeinated drinks. I started eating foods low in salt and quit adding salt all together to anything. Then I started eating more fruit. So I took my blood pressure last night and to my surprise it was 122 over 75. Now, I don't know if things are supposed to drop that fast, but I took it four times, even in the other arm to make sure. Sure enough, my blood pressure was back to basically "normal" levels.
It's things like this though that make me think about how short life is. I look at myself in the mirror and see that the rug is thinning on top, the back aches more and my eyesight is not getting any better. While I can "take care of myself" and do all I can to maintain my health, I cannot escape the fact that I'm a machine that is constantly in a state of breaking and wearing down. Don't worry, I'm not depressing over this, but I'm being practical and trying to look at from a Biblical perspective, asking the question "What can I do with the days that I have left?" My hope is to better serve Christ and do the work that he has called me to do.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Dumaflitchy
Studying: Psalms 95-97
Thoughts: Good
Sometimes Cristy and I just have to laugh. One of the ways we've found of dealing with the cultural differences sometimes over here is just picking out random things in the culture to laugh about. Like an old lady mopping a sidewalk, or a mother in the park on an 80-degree day warning us not to let our son play in the sand because the "ground was cold." It's things like this that we can either scream about or die laughing about.
Tonight after dinner we were both in the kitchen and I noticed that our little wall lamp had gone out. As I jiggled the cord I noticed little sparks flying out of where the wire connects to the plugin. Having an aversion for burning down buildings, I decided to let it be and unplug the thing. We have a little word we use in our family when we want to describe something quickly but can't think of what to call it, and that word is "dumaflitchy." Others have similar words. I've heard people say "dumawhatsit" and "whatchamacallit." I used our word tonight when talking about the lamp, telling Cristy "I need to go get a new dumaflitchy and attach it to the cord here." Now, of course, I was talking about getting a new plugin for the lamp. Cristy knew exactly what I was talking about because I was holding it right there in my hand. Cristy immediately responded with, "I wonder how you say 'dumaflitchy' in Russian?"
I don't know if there's a Russian equivalent or not, but we laughed for several minutes about what would happen if we went to the store and asked in Russian "Скажите мне пожалуйста, у вас есть думафлитчии," which translates "Tell me please, do you have any dumaflitchies?"
Well, it made us laugh. Don't know if it will have the same effect on you all or not.
Thoughts: Good
Sometimes Cristy and I just have to laugh. One of the ways we've found of dealing with the cultural differences sometimes over here is just picking out random things in the culture to laugh about. Like an old lady mopping a sidewalk, or a mother in the park on an 80-degree day warning us not to let our son play in the sand because the "ground was cold." It's things like this that we can either scream about or die laughing about.
Tonight after dinner we were both in the kitchen and I noticed that our little wall lamp had gone out. As I jiggled the cord I noticed little sparks flying out of where the wire connects to the plugin. Having an aversion for burning down buildings, I decided to let it be and unplug the thing. We have a little word we use in our family when we want to describe something quickly but can't think of what to call it, and that word is "dumaflitchy." Others have similar words. I've heard people say "dumawhatsit" and "whatchamacallit." I used our word tonight when talking about the lamp, telling Cristy "I need to go get a new dumaflitchy and attach it to the cord here." Now, of course, I was talking about getting a new plugin for the lamp. Cristy knew exactly what I was talking about because I was holding it right there in my hand. Cristy immediately responded with, "I wonder how you say 'dumaflitchy' in Russian?"
I don't know if there's a Russian equivalent or not, but we laughed for several minutes about what would happen if we went to the store and asked in Russian "Скажите мне пожалуйста, у вас есть думафлитчии," which translates "Tell me please, do you have any dumaflitchies?"
Well, it made us laugh. Don't know if it will have the same effect on you all or not.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Yes, I'm still here.
Studying: Yes!
Thoughts: Good
First of all let me say this. Don't worry. I'm fine. Everything's fine. Some of you are probably wondering where I've been the past two weeks. Let me explain.
First of all we went to Finland which was wonderful. We enjoyed three days to just rest a bit and renew our registration. Then we got back to Russia, and I'll confess I just plain forgot to blog. Yes, I stayed in the word, but simply forgot to blog about it. Sorry.
I'll confess also that I've been getting really burned out lately, and I think I'm really looking forward to the summer time. Things just don't seem to be sticking anymore in my Russian lessons like they once did, and it seems that no matter when I go to bed or when I get up I'm just staying tired almost constantly. No, I'm not depressed, don't worry about that, I'm just a little burned out.
I've been staying in the word, and that has been a blessed thing, but lately for my own soul's nourishment I've been taking a break from my regular reading schedule and just spending some time in the Psalms, reading, praying through and meditating on some favorite passages. A lot of my thoughts and reflections have been quite scattered, from the heart and not really fit for printing. Granted there's just some things I don't care to publish on the internet which I'm sure you can all understand.
So for the time being please understand some of my randomness. I'll begin posting here again, but some days I might simply list what I've read and not really comment on it.
Thoughts: Good
First of all let me say this. Don't worry. I'm fine. Everything's fine. Some of you are probably wondering where I've been the past two weeks. Let me explain.
First of all we went to Finland which was wonderful. We enjoyed three days to just rest a bit and renew our registration. Then we got back to Russia, and I'll confess I just plain forgot to blog. Yes, I stayed in the word, but simply forgot to blog about it. Sorry.
I'll confess also that I've been getting really burned out lately, and I think I'm really looking forward to the summer time. Things just don't seem to be sticking anymore in my Russian lessons like they once did, and it seems that no matter when I go to bed or when I get up I'm just staying tired almost constantly. No, I'm not depressed, don't worry about that, I'm just a little burned out.
I've been staying in the word, and that has been a blessed thing, but lately for my own soul's nourishment I've been taking a break from my regular reading schedule and just spending some time in the Psalms, reading, praying through and meditating on some favorite passages. A lot of my thoughts and reflections have been quite scattered, from the heart and not really fit for printing. Granted there's just some things I don't care to publish on the internet which I'm sure you can all understand.
So for the time being please understand some of my randomness. I'll begin posting here again, but some days I might simply list what I've read and not really comment on it.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Arrgh!
Studying: Jeremiah 1-4
Thoughts: Good
I'm getting to be very forgetful as of late. Sorry about not posting again yesterday, but I assure you that I am reading.
Tomorrow we leave for Finland for two night. As I've explained before, but will summarize now, on our current visas here in Russia we can only be registered for three months at a time. That means after three months we must physically leave the country and re-enter. When we come back in the fall we won't have to do that because we'll be on student visas. And so tomorrow ends our three months. We're taking one extra day there just to rest a bit. We'll be back Friday afternoon.
We are now just over two months away from completing our first year here in Russia. As we get to the end here of this first term might I say it's like we're making a "mad dash" for the finish. There's so much to be done in preparation for returning home for six weeks, paperwork, plane tickets, more paperwork, finishing lessons, etc. Life is hectic here lately.
Please pray for us in the midst of all this that we will not neglect the Lord our God.
Thoughts: Good
I'm getting to be very forgetful as of late. Sorry about not posting again yesterday, but I assure you that I am reading.
Tomorrow we leave for Finland for two night. As I've explained before, but will summarize now, on our current visas here in Russia we can only be registered for three months at a time. That means after three months we must physically leave the country and re-enter. When we come back in the fall we won't have to do that because we'll be on student visas. And so tomorrow ends our three months. We're taking one extra day there just to rest a bit. We'll be back Friday afternoon.
We are now just over two months away from completing our first year here in Russia. As we get to the end here of this first term might I say it's like we're making a "mad dash" for the finish. There's so much to be done in preparation for returning home for six weeks, paperwork, plane tickets, more paperwork, finishing lessons, etc. Life is hectic here lately.
Please pray for us in the midst of all this that we will not neglect the Lord our God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
